


In Other Words, Please Be True

by Rebecca_Leyla



Category: Neon Genesis Evangelion
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Bittersweet, F/F, Merry Christmas Asuka, What-If
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-03
Updated: 2020-01-03
Packaged: 2021-02-27 03:41:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,768
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22080493
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rebecca_Leyla/pseuds/Rebecca_Leyla
Summary: What if Kyoko Zeppelin Sohryu had lived? — A different life for Asuka.
Relationships: Ayanami Rei/Soryu Asuka Langley
Comments: 8
Kudos: 41





	In Other Words, Please Be True

Asuka is a young girl living in Berlin. She lives with her mama and papa. Mama is a scientist who does something very important. One day when Asuka’s 4-years-old, Mama picks her up from kindergarten to drive her home. Asuka tells Mama about her day, like she always does on the ride home. When Mama doesn’t say anything back to her, Asuka looks at Mama and sees her eyes are red, and she’s not smiling.

“Mama, what’s wrong?”

“Oh, Asuka, Mama almost chose to do something very foolish at work today,” her mama tells her, her voice on the edge of crying.

“But if you didn’t do it, why are you sad?

Her mama looks at her, and gives a sad smile. “Because sometimes your own good luck is another person’s bad luck.”

Asuka frowns, and asks “Mama, are you okay?”

Mama’s smile almost becomes a true smile, and she ruffles Asuka’s hair and wraps an arm around her. “Oh my sweet Asuka, Mama is going to be fine.”

Asuka is 5-years-old, and she wakes up to hear Mama and Papa yelling. She wanders out of her bedroom and listens to them.

“I still can’t believe what you did! You unfaithful piece of shit!” Mama yells.

“I’m sorry, it was a mistake!” Papa yells back.

“Don’t you dare try to say that it was a mistake now, it’s your child!”

“Just what do you want me to do at this point, Kyoko?! Seriously, what does the genius scientist think will resolve this?”

“What do I want you to do now?!?! Let me tell you what I want—”

Mama never finishes what she is saying, because she sees Asuka standing in the hallway, and a look comes over her face for a moment that is almost like on that drive home a year ago. The next moment Mama is hugging her, and lifts her up to carry her back to bed, saying that Papa and Mama are sorry they woke her. Mama puts her under her covers, and tells her that she doesn’t need to worry about what Mama and Papa are talking about. She kisses Asuka goodnight on her forehead.

A few months later, Papa moves out. Asuka’s parents tell her that Papa and Mama are separating because they don’t love each other anymore. Asuka continues to live with Mama, but sees Papa on most weekends. Five months after that, Asuka’s half-sister is born, and her mama is someone Asuka had never met. A few months later Asuka attends the wedding of Papa and her half-sister’s mama, and then the two of them and her half-sister move to Bonn. Asuka sees Papa after that on every other holiday vacation and during the summer. As her half-sister, Hannah, grows older, things are never really good between them, but they’re never really bad either. Asuka and Mama move to a nice townhome across the street from a park, on the west side of Berlin.

Asuka starts school as normal, and although her mama worries about how solitary and introverted she is, and even though she has only a few friends, Asuka is happy. She joins the soccer team, and enjoys playing and the team spirit. Asuka excels at academics, and at age 7 she skips a grade, and at age 9 she skips another. Asuka has her hair in a short pony-tail most of the time, and she prefers to wear athletic clothes much of the time because she enjoys being in motion as much as possible when she’s not studying.

At age 9, for the first time Mama takes her to the base she works at, NERV-Berlin. Mama’s not allowed to tell Asuka what anything she sees in the base is, or what exactly she does for work, only that it is very important for humanity’s future. Asuka finds most things on the base to be fascinating to look at. When she’s there, her mama introduces her to a Japanese man, Mr. Kaji, who is there with a German boy about her age named Hans. Hans tells Asuka he is the “Second Child,” although according to him she is not allowed to know what that means, but it’s very important. Asuka and Hans talk a little, and Asuka notices her mom talking closely with Mr. Kaji.

Afterwards on the drive back home, Asuka asks her mama if her and Mr. Kaji are like Papa and Hannah’s mama.

Mama laughs. “ _ Gott _ no! Mr. Kaji is a co-worker and...a friend. That is all, it will never be anything else. I can promise you that.”

Asuka tells Mama that a teacher told her that saying  _ gott _ like that is cursing and she shouldn’t say that. Her mama laughs with a big smile, and ruffles Asuka’s hair. Asuka didn’t find Hans very interesting, but she is happy she finally got to see where Mama worked. When they get home Mama makes dinner, and they play a board game together before Asuka goes to bed. It’s a good day. 

Mama takes Asuka to meet Hans a few more times on the base, but stops when she realizes Asuka is more interested in seeing NERV than she is in seeing Hans. Hans and Asuka don’t have much in common, and Asuka isn’t allowed to know what Hans does at NERV, which he says is very interesting and important. She still sees Mr. Kaji occasionally when mom hosts small dinner parties at their home.

Asuka is 11-years-old, and a dynamo in school and on the soccer field. She is a teachers’ favorite and well-liked by her teammates on the soccer team. Other than her teammates who she allows a level of closeness just because of proximity, she has only a few friends, and none close. Her mom asks her if she wishes she had more friends, and she tells her no. Asuka just doesn’t have a strong need for friends, she likes time alone, and anyways, she often finds interest in things that other children her age don’t find interesting. Asuka’s mom also asks her why she works so hard, at school and soccer. She wants Asuka to know that she is happy to see Asuka excel, but she doesn’t want her to feel pressured to be the best. Asuka responds that she does it for herself, not so she can be the best, but so she can know what she's capable of. She’s gotten herself this far, and wants to know how much further she can get.

Asuka tells her mom that she thinks she could skip another grade, but she is okay with making up the gaps in what she learns at school outside of school, and as far as friends she does have, she likes being classmates with a few of her older teammates. Mom asks Asuka if she is happy, that is important, and she answers, yes, she is. Mom smiles at this, a broad smile that Asuka likes to see. Then her mom ruffles her hair, and Asuka whines a little bit at that, but she still smiles because of it.

Asuka is 13-years-old, and she is on track to graduate high school and go to college at age 16. She decides she wants to be a research biologist when she grows up. Mom jokes that’s not quite what she does, but it’s similar enough that it must run in the family. At the end of June of 2015, Asuka’s mom has to make a work trip to NERV-Japan, to give guidance for what she only describes as an “Activation Experiment.” She asks Asuka if she wants to visit her other ancestral homeland. She says yes, and looks forward to the trip. even though it will mean not being in Germany for the end of the Women’s World Cup that Germany is hosting this year. She brushes up on the Japanese her mom taught her as a young child, and learns some basic kanji, though it will turn out to not be nearly enough.

At the end of June they fly out to Japan, and are chauffeured from the airport at Tokyo-2 to Tokyo-3. Asuka is amazed at how modern almost everything in Tokyo-3 is, as the city was built almost entirely since Second Impact. Then the car enters the Geofront, and amazement turns to astonishment. The underground city seems like something out of a scifi story. 

Her mom is very busy with work once she arrives at NERV-Japan, so Asuka spends much of the days leading up to the Activation Experiment being chaperoned by Section Two agents to and from places she is allowed to go, both inside and outside the Geofront. There is a day spent in Tokyo-2, and the bustle of the metropolis is almost more than she can handle. The next day she hangs around inside NERV Headquarters in one of the few places she is allowed to go there.

She is walking around the lobby, and finds, staring out a window at the Geofront outside, another girl about her age, Japanese, with powder-blue hair, red eyes, and pale skin, wearing school-clothes. She did not expect to meet another child her own age in NERV Headquarters, and is instantly intrigued by how different she is and the mystery of why she is in the Geofront.

“Hello, my name is Sohryu Asuka, what’s yours?” she asks in Japanese.

“Ayanami Rei.”

Asuka waits for Rei to make the first social move. She doesn’t, so Asuka decides to tentatively ask her a question. “My mom works at NERV-Berlin. I’ve come with her so I can see Japan. Are you also here with a parent?”

“No.”

Asuka expected some sort of explanation, and is unprepared for this simple negative answer. “Well, why are you here in the Geofront?”

“I have come to look out this window.”

Asuka is worried that Rei is not interested in talking and is about to ask her to go away. She decides to take a chance to get the opportunity to spend more time with this mysterious girl. “Would it be okay with you if I just stood here next to you and we didn’t talk?”

Rei glances at her, and Asuka wonders if she sees a slight expression of surprise briefly pass her otherwise blank face. “Why do you want to do that?”

Asuka tells her the truth. “Because I am also interested in looking out this window at the Geofront, and I want to know if we can do something together after you are finished.”

Rei thinks, then says, “that would be acceptable.”

Asuka smiles, and they stand silent together for a while, watching vehicles move through the Geofront’s underground landscape. Eventually, Rei walks away. 

Asuka hurries after her. “Ayanami, may I follow you?”

Rei turns back to her and answers, “you may.”

They come to a secured door. To Asuka’s surprise, Rei does have access to it, and she opens it with her ID card. In the brief moment that Asuka can see Rei’s ID, she notices that it does not have “VISITOR” printed across it like her own does. When Asuka does not immediately follow, Rei turns around and holds the door open.

“Are you not coming?” she asks in a neutral voice.

“I don’t think I’m supposed to cross that door. I don’t have authorizations like other people here, like you.”

“I see no problem with it. I can tell you of any areas you are truly restricted from.”

Asuka takes a deep breath and crosses the threshold. Rei turns and leads on. They come to a large glass window looking over an immense space. Far from them, against a wall and immersed to chest-level in a pool filled with orange liquid, is a truly titanic robot, as tall as a skyscraper, clad in yellow armor and with a single cyclopean eye. 

Nothing Asuka has seen, not even the breath-taking scale of the Geofront, could prepare her for this. She loses track of how long she stands at the window next to Rei, just trying to take in this unbelievable sight. Finally she asks her, “Ayanami, my apologies, but what is that robot?”

“I am sorry Sohryu, but I am not authorized to tell you what it is.” Rei stops speaking for a second then finishes. “However, I can tell you that it is not a robot.”

“Not a robot?”

At that moment Asuka’s mother appears in the hallway. “There you are Rei. We have a meeting to finalize plans for the Activation Experiment...Asuka, what are you doing here?”

“Dr. Sohryu, she came to this place with me,” Rei says.

“But Rei, this is a secured area, she doesn’t have clearance to come in here. I’m sorry Asuka.”

“Does not have clearance? Commander Ikari told me that everyone with access to the Geofront was allowed to come here. He said the only area of this section of Central Dogma restricted to only some people is inside the cages themselves.”

“Ah, you see, Asuka is my daughter, and doesn’t work for NERV, the UN, or any government. She has a special clearance to be in the Geofront, a one-of-a-kind visitor clearance which doesn’t grant the same access as everyone else in the Geofront.”

“Oh, I am sorry for my mistake.” Rei bows in apology.

“It’s okay,” she says to Rei. Then addressing Asuka, “you were going to end up learning about this sooner or later. I’ll lead you both back to the lobby. Asuka, I’m sorry to leave you again; Rei and I have a meeting to go to. A Section 2 agent will meet you at the lobby to chaperone you in Tokyo-3 if you want to go to the surface.” 

Asuka turns over in her mind everything she’s seen and heard, and realizes the Activation Experiment must somehow involve Rei and that titanic thing in the room.

Dr. Sohryu leads them out of the secured area. Upon leaving it, Asuka makes a request before her mom leaves with Rei. 

“Mom, may I please have one more moment to ask Ayanami something?”

“Go ahead, Asuka.”

“Ayanami, if you have time this evening, would you like to watch the third place game of the Women’s World Cup with my mom and me at our guest residence? If it’s okay with you, mom? It’s Germany versus England.”

Rei glances at Asuka’s mom, expecting some guidance.

“Rei, it will be fun,” she offers.

“I promise,” Asuka says, “you won’t need to know anything about soccer or talk during the game, though you will probably have to listen to me cheer when Germany scores, and rave about how awesome the German players are when they do something cool.” Asuka hopes that Rei says yes. She doesn’t completely understand why, but she really wants a chance to spend more time with Rei.

“Yes, I think I will ask permission from the commander to watch it with you,” Rei answers.

“Thank you Ayanami.” Asuka beams.

Asuka learns later in the day that Rei received permission. They watch the game late in the evening. Rei barely talks, but Asuka is pleased that she appears to be following the action on the TV closely. When Germany wins 1-0 on a free kick in extra time, Asuka is almost more excited than she was at seeing the Geofront. She’s still bursting with energy as she walks Rei out of the guest residence.

“What did you think, Ayanami?” she asks the blue-haired girl.

“It was interesting,” Rei answers.

“I’m glad you thought so. Ayanami, can I see you again tomorrow?”

“I am sorry, Sohryu. Due to my schedule I am unavailable throughout the day tomorrow.”

Asuka’s heart sinks a little. “Well, how about the same time tomorrow night? It’s Japan’s team versus the United States in the World Cup Final. There’s a big watch party in the NERV cafeteria my mother and I have been invited to.”

Rei thinks. “I will ask if I can attend it,” she says. Suddenly Asuka is looking forward even more to tomorrow evening.

At the watch party, Asuka only recognizes a handful of NERV staff she met the past few days. Her mother is there, but chatting with some other scientists before the game starts. Sitting alone in the crowd, she begins to worry that Rei won’t be able to make it, when she sees her enter the cafeteria. Asuka waves, and gestures to the front-row seat she saved for her. 

The game runs long, into extra time, then into penalty kicks, as the score remains tied 2-2. Asuka knows that the Activation Experiment is tomorrow morning, but no one who came to watch is leaving now. Finally Japan wins 3-1 in penalty kicks, and there is pandemonium in the cafeteria as the assembled NERV-Japan staff cheer. Someone passes around glasses of champagne to all the adults.

Asuka is glad to see Japan win, though not as excited as she was for Germany, but amid the celebration around her, she turns to Rei to ask her something.

“Ayanami, do you think it’s kind of amazing and awesome, that something so meaningless, just a game, happening nearly 9000 kilometers away, could spark this kind of joy in people?” Asuka realizes this may be something mundane that only she finds interesting to make note of, and tries to defend her position. “I mean, just look at everyone! This victory probably doesn’t personally affect anyone in this room, and whatever it is that everyone does at NERV is definitely more important than the outcome of a sports game. And yet, the people here are all happy, for at least just a little while, that the Japanese national team won against the best of the rest of the world.”

Asuka is nervous that Rei will respond that she thinks it’s strange to focus on something most people take for granted. Instead, Rei looks around, and when she looks back at Asuka, her lips are turned slightly up, almost in a smile. “Yes Sohryu, I think it is amazing. Am I correct that you also think this is a good thing?”

“Well, yes,” Asuka says, rising to the challenge to defend her viewpoint. “The world has a lot that isn’t good, so when there is an opportunity for people to come together for something they can all agree is good, even if it does not affect the world, it should be welcomed. Sometimes, people need to make their own good.”

Rei ponders this for what feels like an agonizingly long time to Asuka, and finally says, “I think I agree with you. It is right for people to take the opportunity to create their own good. Sohryu, thank you for inviting me to this.”

Asuka Sohryu feels like she has bared her soul to Rei Ayanami, and was accepted with gratitude. “Thank you for coming Ayanami.”

The next day Asuka is in her room starting to pack for their flight back to Germany the following morning, when her mom returns, looking panicked.

“Asuka, I am very sorry but I’ll have to stay a few more days. There’s some more I need to assist with. You’ll fly home like we planned, chaperoned by a NERV-Berlin staff member who is also here. Grandma will watch you at home.”

“Is everything okay?” Asuka asks.

“That’s not important to you,” her mom answers.

“Well, it is, because you’re not coming home with me.”

Asuka seizes on her mother’s hesitation in replying to that. “Did the Activation Experiment go wrong?” she asks.

“I’m not allowed to answer that.”

“Is Rei okay? I know her and that giant machine are involved with the Activation Experiment.”

Her mother is silent for a moment, a pained look on her face.

“Is Rei okay!?” Asuka begins to yell.

“I shouldn’t tell you…”

“I need to know if Rei is alright!” On some level Asuka is wondering why she is so concerned for someone she only just met, but on another it feels obvious that she should be worried for Rei.

Her mother sighs. “You really do care about her,” she murmurs to herself. “Asuka, the Activation Experiment failed. Rei was seriously injured. She’s in a coma right now. She may wake up in the next day or two, but she’ll be in the hospital for a while.”

“I won’t leave without seeing her.”

“Asuka…”

“I won’t.”

Her mother eventually agrees to allow her to see Rei if she wakes up the next day, and reschedule Asuka’s flight as necessary. Tomorrow, the NERV-Berlin staff member chaperoning Asuka is yelling at her in the Geofront hospital waiting room that they have to leave now to make the day’s last flight, and Asuka is trying to delay her, when word comes in that Rei has awakened. Asuka almost sprints through the hospital corridors to her room.

She can’t believe how fragile Rei looks, bandaged-up and lying in her hospital bed. She slowly walks over and holds her hand. Rei can’t talk much, but she says Asuka’s last name. Asuka tells her that she hopes she gets better. She just stands there for a moment, Rei’s hand in her own, and Rei relaxes and a sort of calm come over her. Before saying goodbye, Asuka promises to write Rei at least twice a week. Rei quietly wishes her a safe journey home, and then Asuka is in motion, by car and plane, all the way back to Berlin.

The day after she touches down in Germany, a global newsflash comes in about the Angel attack on Tokyo-3 and its defeat by an Evangelion. She is at first in awe as she understands what her mother as been working on and what the colossus at NERV was, then sick with worry for her. It is three hours before her mother finally calls on the phone, telling Asuka her extended mission was a success and she’s flying home as soon as possible. On the way to the Berlin airport with her grandmother to pick her up, she is drafting her first letter to Rei in a small child’s script of  _ hiragana _ and  _ katakana _ . She sends well-wishes to Rei, and writes about what she saw in Tokyo-2 and the Geofront.

Asuka’s mother tells her about the censorship rules governing NERV correspondence, and promises to make sure Rei receives the letter. Just before she sends her second letter, a response from Rei comes in, and it’s written in  _ kanji _ but Rei has extensively annotated it with  _ hiragana _ for Asuka’s benefit, so that with a little help from her mother she can read it. It’s mainly a clinical description of Rei’s health, thoughts about what Asuka wrote, and some observations from the World Cup party. 

They develop a correspondence, Asuka writing Rei about her day and wishing Rei well, Rei writing about the improvement of her health and her past observations about Tokyo-3. Soon, Rei is released from the hospital and gives Asuka a home mailing address, and Rei begins sharing details about schooling, which has already begun for her. She repeatedly mentions a new student, Shinji Ikari, and Asuka can’t figure out what is so important about him until she remembers the censorship rules, and she asks her mother if she knows who he is. 

“Oh, the Third Child,” and other than saying the Rei is the First Child, she doesn’t say anything more about him, but Asuka puts two-and-two together and realizes Rei, Hans, and Shinji are all Evangelion pilots. A report of another Angel attack comes in through the news, and she recognizes that the censorship means she can’t just ask Rei if she was involved, so she asks her mother, who tells her that no, Rei is still not well enough to pilot. Because Rei can’t tell her directly, Asuka asks her mother if she can tell her afterwards anytime Rei is involved in fighting an Angel, and her mother thinks about it, takes a long quiet look at her, and agrees.

Near the end of July, Asuka’s mother tells her something important is being shipped from NERV-Berlin to NERV-Japan, and she will be going out to Tokyo-3 again for a little over a week at the end of August to check on it. Asuka begs to go with her to get a chance to see Rei again. Her mother agrees to request that NERV-Japan allow Asuka to accompany her, only if she understands how dangerous being in Tokyo-3 is, and does her assigned schoolwork every day. Asuka agrees to this, and she’s thrilled at the opportunity. 

She writes Rei right away, but before a return letter from Rei can arrive, there is news of another Angel attack, Mom sits Asuka down and tells her about how Rei was involved in Operation Yashima against the 5th Angel, and risked her life so the mission could be successful and the other pilot would survive. In her next letter, without mentioning any details, Asuka writes about how brave she thinks Rei is. Meanwhile, her mom receives an answer to her request on behalf of Asuka, and tells her that it was surprisingly difficult to get NERV-Japan to allow her to visit, but eventually they relented, and will even permit Asuka to stay with Rei, if Rei will allow it.

The youth soccer season is approaching and Asuka is beginning 10th-grade, so August is a blur until it’s time to go to Japan again. Rei has agreed to let Asuka stay with her in her apartment while she is in Tokyo-3. When she finds out that Rei lives alone, she asks her mother if she’s really okay with her being alone with another child, and if she’s worried they’ll be irresponsible. Her mother chuckles. She responds that Rei is the most responsible child she has ever met, and Asuka was so concerned that mom would be worried about the two being irresponsible without an adult present, that she actually asked to make sure it would be okay. So no, Asuka’s mom doesn’t worry about them getting up to any serious trouble. Asuka is pleased that her mom approves but also feels slightly humiliated by how readily she did so.

When they fly into Tokyo-3, instead of a random Section 2 agent as chauffeur, Mr. Kaji is there to pick them up. Dr. Sohryu and Mr. Kaji chat like old friends, and Asuka is told that in a couple days, once the jet lag starts to wear off, there will be a dinner for her, all three Children, someone named Captain Katsuragi, Mr. Kaji, and her mother.

Asuka is exhausted when they arrive at the Geofront, and she spends the first night there. The next day the Children are all at NERV for something important, and Asuka doesn’t have permission to see them until they are done, but she does pick the brain of any NERV technician on break for help with her computer science and physics homework. When Rei finally emerges from the depths of Central Dogma she looks excited to see Asuka, which Asuka feels good about because Rei so rarely expresses emotion visibly. Before they can leave, Asuka’s mom comes by and tells Asuka that she wants to show her something. Dr. Sohryu takes Asuka and Rei deeper into NERV headquarters than Rei took Asuka almost two months ago, until they arrive at a door labeled, “EVA Cages.”

“What’s inside here is the fruits of NERV’s labors,” Dr. Sohryu states. This is how NERV will provide for the continued survival of humanity.” She unlocks the door, and they step inside. 

Arranged against the wall, waist-deep in orange liquid, are two Evangelion, not the one she saw with Rei, but two different ones. Asuka gawks, and has to rush to catch up with her mother and Rei already walking down the gangway. Dr. Sohryu identifies the purple Eva with a horn as Unit-01, the Third Child’s Eva. They come before a red Eva with 4 “eyes.”

“This is Unit-02, piloted by the Second Child, the pride of my work. I can now tell you that my job at NERV is Berlin Director of Project Evangelion. I designed and oversaw the development of this Evangelion.” Asuka’s mother sounds happy when she says that, but Asuka glances at her face and sees that she isn’t smiling. Her expression reminds Asuka of hazy memories of a car ride home from kindergarten a long time ago.

“Where’s Ayanami’s Eva?” Asuka asks.

“Unit-00 is having its armor replaced after the damage sustained in the last Angel attack at Tokyo-3,” Rei answers.

“Aww, so I won’t get a chance to see your Eva in person.”

Rei and Asuka leave the Geofront and go to her apartment with Asuka’s luggage. Asuka is surprised at the poor condition of the apartment block, but mentions to Rei that it makes her feel like a mountain goat, living on the rough cliff edge. Rei’s apartment is small and messy, but room has been made for a futon next to Rei’s bed. Rei mentions that she has Shinji Ikari to thank for helping her prepare the apartment for Asuka. Asuka settles in, and Rei prepares dinner, something she says Ikari also taught her to make. She learns that Rei is vegetarian, so dinner will be as well. Asuka doesn’t mind, if it’s good.

The dinner is good, and so is the light conversation comparing and contrasting their lives on opposite sides of Eurasia. After dinner, Rei needs to finish her homework, and while she does that Asuka reads a novel she brought with her and does some more studying of _ kanji _ . Rei has remarked that her writing ability is steadily improving.

Afterwards, they go to bed. The next day Asuka walks with Rei to her school, talking about Tokyo-3 on the way there. They part ways at the school-gates, and a Section 2 agent chaperones Asuka to a Tokyo-3 library, where she works on her daily reading and homework that was sent with her from her own school. As school ends, Asuka returns to the gates to meet Rei again. This time, rumors of a  _ gaijin _ kid who accompanied Rei to school have apparently spread like wildfire, and a small contingent are waiting at the gates in hopes of seeing her. Asuka is not exactly pleased by this, and she spots Rei saying goodbye to a boy she guesses is Shinji Ikari. She waves to Rei to get her to hurry up, then notices two other boys standing next to Shinji, one with a camera and the other wearing a tracksuit. All three boys gawk at her. For some reason she instantly thinks of the Three Stooges.

Rei follows, and Asuka turns her back before the boy with the camera can grab a photo. Rei and Asuka visit a local park that Rei likes. They spend some time just enjoying the birds and the quiet, before heading to the restaurant where the group dinner is being held. On the way there, Rei points out features of architecture that Asuka might not have noticed, and Asuka tells Rei about how the cityscape of Berlin and Tokyo-3 differ. 

At the restaurant, Asuka is seated between Rei and Hans. To Hans left is Shinji. Captain Katsuragi is a woman about the same age as Mr. Kaji, and the two adults’ main mode of interaction is innuendo and bickering. The adults are seated across from the children, with Asuka’s mother between Captain Katsuragi and Mr. Kaji, creating a buffer zone for them. Asuka, on the other hand, has to deal with talking to Hans, who in the time since childhood has graduated from uninteresting to unpleasantly arrogant. He acts like he’s superior to any of the other children at the table solely because of his training and status as the best Eva pilot, and with very little social graces to boot. Shinji seems okay, if a little avoidant. Asuka doesn’t have any connection to Katsuragi or Kaji, so she spends most of the dinner talking to Rei, which suits Asuka fine. Afterwards she tells Rei how she had met Hans before, and that she does not like how he has changed since then.

“Yes, Sohryu, I do not like the pilot of Unit-02 either.”

Asuka laughs, and asks Rei to please just call her Asuka.

“Very well Asuka, then you may call me Rei.”

Asuka is secretly delighted by this.

Their days settle into a sort of routine. Asuka and Rei walk to the school together, then part ways. Asuka is chaperoned to somewhere in Tokyo-3 or the Geofront to do her schoolwork, and on days Rei has no duties in the Geofront, the two get back together when school lets out to do something in Tokyo-3. On the days that Rei does have responsibilities at NERV, Asuka waits for her in the Geofront reading or explores outside NERV headquarters. Afterwards, Rei and Asuka go back to Rei’s apartment, make dinner, eat, and both do any individual activities after dinner. They talk to each other a little more at the end of the night, then go to bed. 

Asuka accompanies Rei swimming on Saturday and Sunday, and on Monday Asuka finishes her schoolwork early, and gets an urge to play around with a soccer ball. She buys a soccer ball and dribbles it around a local park while Rei is still in school. She jogs to the gates when school lets out, and when she meets Rei again she is sweaty, in athletic clothes, and holding a soccer ball, as a crowd of students look at whom the rumors say is a delinquent wild  _ gaijin _ that Rei has befriended. 

Asuka asks Rei if she wants to learn to play soccer. Rei agrees, and Asuka is happy to find that Rei remembers most of the rules of soccer from the World Cup games they watched, and though she looks frail, Rei has a fitness from her frequent swimming that translates well to the field. Asuka teaches her the basics of dribbling and passing. Rei tells Asuka that it is novel for her to engage in cooperative physical activity, and asks to continue practicing again in the following days. With a few more days of practice, it’s apparent that Rei has a good sense for how to play, if not any refined skill. 

Wanting to add a little excitement to the visit, Asuka and Rei challenge the Second and Third Child to a game, and they meet after school in a nearby mini-soccer field. Hans is overwhelmingly confident that he and Shinji will defeat a couple of girls, which makes Asuka glad she never mentioned her participation in a youth soccer league to him, because he and Shinji are no match for her and Rei. When they’ve lost, Rei and Asuka watch on as Hans shouts something fast and angry in Japanese at Shinji that Asuka doesn’t quite catch, and Shinji yells back something about it being Hans’ fault. Hans storms off, and Shinji tells them they played well before hurriedly bowing and following him.

Asuka turns to Rei. “I had fun playing soccer with you, Rei.”

Rei responds, “yes, Asuka, I also did.” And then she smiles. 

On the train-ride home, tired, they share a pair of earphones and listen together to an album of American jazz singing from the ‘50s on Asuka’s MiniPlayer. It’s an album her mom gifted her because the original vinyl record was a favorite of Asuka’s grandmother when she was also 13.

Asuka has plans for Friday night. Rei, who has never seen a movie before, has agreed to watch two horror films with her at the apartment that night, as Asuka has been able to pull weight as a director’s daughter to get Section 2 to have a small spare TV and a VCR loaned to Rei’s apartment. Her good mood is interrupted when the Angel-Sirens go off mid-day, and Section 2 evacuates her to the Geofront. Her mother comes to find her after a few hours to tell her Shinji and Hans were unsuccessful in defeating the Angel, and an N2 mine had to be dropped on it to send it into hibernation. Asuka is leaving tomorrow, three days early, end of story. 

Asuka knows her mom only says “end of story” when there is zero chance of her changing her mind, and doesn’t even try to argue with her. Her mother does agree to let her spend one more night at Rei’s apartment. The only bright-side is that before Rei changes back to school-clothes and they leave the Geofront, Asuka gets a chance to see her wearing her plugsuit as the backup pilot for Unit-01. She tells Rei that she thinks the plugsuit is really high-tech, and it makes Rei look sort of like an astronaut, bravely exploring space. Rei asks her if that is a good thing, and Asuka answers that she wishes she had clothes that looked so cool.

When they arrive at the surface, the sun is starting to go down, and the yellow sunset light is shining off the mushroom cloud from the N2 mine that still floats on the horizon. They go home in silence, and when they arrive at the apartment Asuka perks up at the sight of the TV and VCR Section 2 brought to the apartment, remembering the two VHS tapes they have. They make a quick dinner together, then change their clothes and settle down on top of the futon in front of the TV. Asuka begins the double-feature of  _ The Thing _ and  _ Alien _ , her two favorite horror films. She knows enough English and has seen the film enough times that she doesn’t need subtitles, so they watch the two VHS tapes with Japanese subtitles that Asuka “liberated” from the video library of an entertainment room in the NERV headquarters. 

Asuka is happy to find that Rei shows no fear of horror films at all. After both movies have finished and it is near midnight, they are lying down on the futon, and Asuka ask Rei what she thought of them.

“The films were good. MacReady reminded me of you.”

Asuka grins “Do you mean I’m a loner weirdo who’s ready to do whatever it takes?”

Rei smiles mischievously. “Yes, I do.”

Asuka laughs. 

“Asuka, it has been,” Rei says, hesitating like she is pondering the word choice, “good to have you here with me.”

“Yes. It’s been fun.” Asuka gets pensive. “Rei, can I talk to you about piloting Evangelion? I promise nothing said here will ever leave this room?”

Rei looks nervous, which Asuka has never seen before, and finally answers, “yes, we may. But you must understand that I should not be talking with you about this.”

“Yes, I understand. Rei, I’m curious, why do you pilot?”

“I can pilot and serve humanity, therefore I do.”

“But, it’s really dangerous!” Asuka replies. “You could die fighting the Angels. You were seriously injured the first time you tried to pilot an Evangelion! I don’t believe that you just choose to do it because you can?”

“It is the truth. For what reason would you do it or not do it, if you could pilot?”

Asuka thinks for a moment. She has never considered a question like that before. “You know, I’d do it, if there was no good alternative to me piloting, I’d do it.”

“But why if not for my reasons?” Rei asks.

“To protect the people I care about; my mom, my dad, my half-sister, my friends. And you.”

“I see,” said Rei.

“Rei, I want you to know that I hope you stay safe piloting the Evangelion. Every time I hear about an Angel attack, I worry about whether you’re okay. Can you promise me that you’ll be careful? When the Angel War is finally over, I want to see you again.”

A grimace flickers across Rei’s face, almost too fast for Asuka to notice. “I am replaceable,” she says. “It is not essential to humanity’s survival that I also survive.”

“The second part of that may be true, but you couldn’t be more wrong about the first part. You could never be replaced. Not in my eyes.”

Rei hesitates before responding. “I mean that much to you?” she asks.

“Of course.”

“Why?”

“Because you’re different from other people I know. Because I can just be around you without feeling like we have to always talk, and when we do talk we can talk about things other kids would probably find strange or boring. Because you’re nothing like anyone I’ve ever met. Because you are so incredibly brave, whether you recognize it or not, but don’t seek out attention. Because I’m pretty solitary by choice, but you’re someone who it is so good to be with, that I want to have you be part of my life.”

Rei contemplates this. “Thank you Asuka. You also matter to me. I never had a friend before you, and did not know how to become friends with anyone. I have had other children tell me that I am ‘unapproachable’ and ‘weird,’ but you, someone who is not even a pilot, became my friend without requiring me to be different than who I am. We have a sincere give-and-take of each other’s interests, and you have shown me aspects of life I had no understanding of. Asuka, I think you are my best friend.”

Asuka is taken aback for a moment, then she thinks about the few friends she does have, people a couple years older than her in high school, teammates from soccer, a handful of people she knows from early childhood, and realizes the truth. “Rei, thank you. I think you’re my best friend, too.”

They are quiet for a moment. “I promise,” Rei says.

“Hmm?”

“I promise to be careful piloting, to survive the Angels.”

“I’m glad. Thank you, Rei.”

Asuka gives Rei a hug, and they both just smile for a moment. Then Rei gets up to turn off the lights, and lies back down.

“Goodnight Rei.”

“Goodnight, Asuka.”

Asuka flies out at noon the next day. Six days later the Angel revives, and is defeated by the Second and Third Children. Asuka gets a phone call from her mother that she’s coming home. The rest of that fall is a blur. Rei and Asuka continue to write each other, her mother mentions to Asuka two Angel battles that Rei performed well in, Asuka’s soccer team is playing well, and her school performance does not suffer for the nearly two weeks she missed.

It’s Halloween, and when Asuka comes back from a friend’s Halloween party, her mother tells her that there’s been an accident at NERV-Japan, an Angel that sneaked in, and Rei was hurt by mental pain from combat in Unit-01 but should be okay, eventually. Her mother refuses to tell anymore, saying that it’s classified and what she has already told she has only shared because Asuka and Rei are good friends. Asuka is worried, and she writes to Rei, but doesn’t hear back before her mother tells her one morning that an Angel invaded the Geofront, and Rei was seriously injured in an attempt to destroy it with an N2 mine. Asuka continues to write with no response. Finally she gets a letter from Rei postmarked from the Geofront hospital, apologizing for the lack of correspondence, and her heart sinks when she realizes Rei hasn’t received any letters she’s sent because she mistakenly sent them to her apartment. Asuka writes an apology to Rei for the lack of letters, and expresses hopes for her quick recovery.

Rei seems out of sorts even after she leaves the hospital, a week after the attack. In their ensuing correspondence, Asuka realizes Rei is talking around someone being missing. She asks her mother, who tells her that in defeating the last Angel, Shinji Ikari was absorbed into his Eva, and hasn’t yet been brought back out. Meanwhile, Asuka’s soccer team makes it to the Berlin regional finals. The following week, Asuka turns 14. She has her birthday party the Saturday after, and with a few friends from school and her soccer team attending, she has fun. Rei and Asuka arranged in advance a time for an international call after the party. Neither of them really enjoy talking on the phone, but it’s good to hear Rei’s voice again. Rei sounds happy, in contrast to her most recent letters. They actually talk for a while about what they’ve each been doing at school and out of school, and Rei wishes Asuka happy birthday a second time when saying goodbye with a level of enthusiasm that Asuka has not often heard from Rei.

The next day, Mom tells her that Shinji came back from Unit-01 on Saturday. Rei’s following letter is a return to normalcy. She mentions that she bought some clothes that aren’t for school because Asuka encouraged her after Rei brought up the possibility before. Her letter includes a nice snapshot of her wearing one of the clothes she bought, a yellow sundress. The picture ends up in a photo album that Asuka keeps, next to a photo of the two of them together at a park in Tokyo-3.

A few days later, Asuka comes home one evening to find her mother asleep at the dining room table, her head buried in her arms. She wouldn’t think much of it, except also on the table is a photo from a few years back of her mother, Hans, and Mr. Kaji. She chooses not to ask her mother about it. How Mr. Kaji and Hans relate to her mother has always been a small mystery to Asuka. There is the obvious NERV-Berlin connection, but it never seemed just business between them, not like with other co-workers. She also believes her mom when she said she was not and never would be in a relationship with the younger man. It is like there is a quantum indeterminacy about who Kaji and Hans are to her mom, and Asuka is afraid to collapse the mystery’s wavefunction by questioning it. 

The next week. Asuka’s mom unexpectedly picks her up after school. She looks like she wants to say something the whole trip home, and almost even starts speaking several times, but eventually gives up and just tells Asuka she loves her. Three days later, she comes home late and finds her mother crying in a chair in the living room.

“What’s wrong?” she asks her mother.

“I need to make a confession,” she answers.

“When you were very young, I came to pick you up one day and I told you that I had almost done something foolish. Do you remember that?”

Being reminded of it, Asuka found that she did remember it now.

“The Evangelion require something known as a Contact Experiment before they can be activated. The first Contact Experiment that was done resulted in the total absorption of a researcher into the core of Unit-01. I had chosen to do the Contact Experiment for Unit-02 myself, and I thought what happened with Unit-01 was simply the product of unusual factors of that Eva’s makeup and the uncontrolled nature of that particular experiment. I considered my lab well prepared to safely proceed with a Contact Experiment, and considered myself the best person to carry it out, given how intimately knowledgeable I am about Unit-02. 

“But when I went to perform the experiment, and I faced the four-eyed stare of the Eva, I had second thoughts. I thought of you, and decided the fame and personal accomplishment of being the first person to successfully carry out a contact experiment was not worth the risk, even if I thought it was manageable. I realized you need me to look out for you, and that should take priority over taking that sort of a risk, even to move the boundaries of science.

“I didn’t do the Contact Experiment. A woman who worked directly under me volunteered to do it instead. She didn’t vanish as in the first Contact Experiment. But, she did lose her mind, and killed herself not long after."

“Mom,” Asuka said, figuring out her response as she went along, “that is awful, but it happened ten years ago, why are you telling me now?”

“The woman who was absorbed into Unit-01 was Shinji’s mother. The woman who did the Contact Experiment with Unit-02 was Hans’ mother. Those Children can pilot the Eva’s because of their mother’s sacrifice. In the case of Hans, his mother took my own place, and I’ve never been able to make it up to him. And now I never will.”

Dr. Sohryu begins a fresh round of crying. She hands Asuka the photo of her, Mr. Kaji, and Hans. “Hans died 12 hours ago fighting the 16th Angel. The only way to destroy it was to self-destruct Unit-02, with him still piloting it. I am now the only person in that photograph who is still alive.

“Han’s family was ripped apart by my choices, and I need to confess that to someone who knows what guilt is. Only a very few people are allowed to know what I just told you about the Contact Experiments. If anyone finds out I told you, I would be fired or worse, and you’d be in danger.

“So I’m sorry to tell you all of that, but your mother isn’t the good person you think she is. I also kept from you that Rei was targeted a few days ago by a new sort of Angel attack, and physically she’s fine, but psychologically, I really don’t know. I had hoped she was okay, I just didn’t want to make you sad when everything had been going so well for you, hoping that this would work itself out. I realized today how wrong I was.”

Asuka goes cold. “You should have told me about Rei as soon as you knew.”

“You don’t understand, being the Berlin Director of Project Evangelion, I have limited knowledge of what exactly is going on in Japan.”

“You knew enough to guess. You should have told me!”

“Asuka—”

“What about Rei’s mom!? Was she killed by Unit-00!?”

Asuka’s mother, Dr. Sohryu, is hesitant to answer this. Asuka becomes more upset.

“You’re not going to tell me!?!?”

“Asuka, you have to understand with Rei, it’s not a matter of ‘I can’t tell you,’ it’s that ‘I don’t know,’ not for sure.”

“‘Not for sure!?’”

Asuka thinks she hears her mother whisper a swear. “The answer is most likely no, but…”

“But you won’t tell me the rest?”

“I can’t, Asuka.”

“Just like you couldn’t tell me that Rei had been attacked by that Angel, when I had asked you to always tell me when Rei fought an angel!”

“And what could you have done? Even just discussing it in your correspondence would have pointed back to your mother as the source of the information security breach, and Rei never would have been allowed to read it!”

“I would have done something! More than you did!”

“Asuka, I am a director of Project E. I have responsibilities to NERV, sometimes there are things I just can’t tell you, and things I just can’t do on my own. End of story.”

“No, I don’t buy that. Mother, If nothing else, at least be human!”

“You don’t get it, sometimes my work makes that impossible!”

“What is wrong with you!”

Her mother bursts out crying again. Asuka feels like she should hug her, except she is still so angry that she doesn’t move.

“Asuka, for a long time now I have cared more about the pilots than a Project Evangelion director should, so say many of the people who I take orders from. Hans because I killed his mother, he trained in Project E at Berlin, and I was friends with Mr. Kaji, his last guardian here; Rei because I assisted with the failed first Unit-00 Activation Experiment, and because she is my daughter’s friend. 

“I tried to have you and Hans be friends because I thought it would be good for him to know you. I routinely broke operational secrecy to tell you about Rei’s combat with Angels. Hans may have died because Rei couldn’t deploy Unit-00 in the aftermath of the 15th Angel, and I have to live with the fact that it was in my power to train Hans and send him out to Tokyo-3, but not to make sure he survived the Angels. Both he and his mother died because of my choices and actions.”

Asuka stands there, staring at her mother sitting in the chair crying. Eventually, she responds.

“Well, Dr. Sohryu, you deserve to feel bad about this.” And Asuka turns and walks away.

Asuka goes to her room and cries, for Hans, for Rei, for her mother, for herself. The next morning she receives an e-mail from Rei, which is unusual in and of itself, as Rei prefers not to communicate by e-mail. Also odd, most of the e-mail is censored, and normally Rei is perfect about avoiding censored information in her correspondence. All that is readable is

_ I feel so sad all the time. I think I am lost. _

_ —Rei _

Asuka and Rei continue to correspond over the rest of December, but Asuka knows that because of the censors they can’t write about anything having to do with the Evas or Angel, and she knows that Rei’s problems have everything to do with the Evas or Angels. They dance around what is wrong, their correspondence seeming more and more pointless as Rei continues to become more despondent and hopeless. At one point Asuka writes Rei in frustration, that she is just here in Germany reading as her friend in Japan falls apart, and what can she do? A few days later, a postcard arrives with express postage, showing the Tokyo-3 skyline, a skyline she knows from the news doesn’t exist since the 16th Angel, and Rei has written in German, “Just be.”

School lets out for Christmas vacation, and Asuka is spending this Christmas with her mother. She sort of wishes she wasn’t. The morning of Christmas Eve, a letter arrives from Rei. This one is really a scrawl, not neat writing like Rei’s usual near-calligraphic penmanship. It takes Asuka all lunch to read the  _ kanji _ and  _ hiragana _ , and Rei even says in the letter that she doesn’t know why she’s writing, she’s talking about things that happened a year ago, before they met, random meaningless things, or just little interactions with Shinji or Hans, it’s all meaningless and unconnected, and Asuka starts penning a response, but she doesn’t know the  _ kanji _ for what she wants to say, and she is too upset to write out all the  _ hiragana _ . 

She looks outside at the park. There’s no snow on the ground. People tell her there were more white Christmases before Second Impact. She yells to her mother that she’s going out to practice soccer, but she knows her mother isn’t really listening now, they haven’t really talked in over a week, and she’s probably crying in her bedroom. Asuka puts on her shoes and coat, and grabs a soccer ball, and walks out into the park and just starts dribbling the ball. She keeps on pushing it around, bouncing it off her head, her legs, taking short kicks towards the far-corner, chasing after it. She tunes out the entire world except for the ground and that black-and-white ball, and she barely notices the park lights come on as night falls.

She’s trying to do crossover dribbles in a zig-zag the length of the park, when she feels something cold hit her face. She stops, picks up the ball, and looks around.

It’s snowing. Large fluffy flakes are falling all around her, casting an orange mist around distant park lights. She stands there, the ball at her side. And Asuka starts crying, as she realizes that maybe there really is nothing she can do to make it right. She cries for what’s been lost, what may yet be lost. And for what never was. She could have been an Eva pilot, could have been there for Rei, and the cost would have just been her mother’s life. It doesn’t seem like a decent choice to just consider, even as a hypothetical.

Eventually, she cries herself out, and she walks back to her home. She takes off her shoes, peels off her coat, and microwaves some leftovers out of the fridge. No Christmas Eve dinner tonight. She sits watching that plate of meat and vegetables rotate in the microwave. It finishes reheating, and she ploddingly eats her dinner alone at the kitchen table. She puts the dishes in the dishwasher, and has started to head to her bedroom to get ready for bed, when the phone rings. She stops, and considers just letting the answering machine get it. It rings five times. Before it can ring a sixth time, she picks up the cordless phone. 

“ _ Hallo? _ ”

“Asuka?” It’s Rei. She’s crying.

“Rei, what is it?” Rei is crying too much at first to make out what she is saying. Asuka doesn’t know what to do, she didn’t even know the normally stoic Ayanami was even capable of crying like this. Asuka is walking a tight-rope of trying to calm her down while also keeping her from blurting out anything Eva-related that would result in the disconnection of the phone-call. Asuka looks at the time. It’s about 5:30 on Christmas morning in Japan right now.

Eventually, Rei does calm down, and starts to be understandable.

“I am not a good person. I’m rotten to my core. I just do what I’m told, and I don’t care about who gets hurt as a result.”

“I don’t think that’s true,” Asuka counters. “I have always thought you are a good person.”

“Well, you’re wrong. I’m not even good at being human.”

“What does that have to do with anything, a lot of humans are terrible people?” 

A fresh burst of crying comes from the other end of the line.

“Rei, I know we can’t talk about what’s really wrong,” Asuka says to her, trying to stop that heartbreaking crying, “but I care about you, and I want you to not be sad.”

“Asuka, it just doesn’t matter anymore. I don’t matter.”

“Don’t say that.”

“It should have been me instead of Hans.” 

Asuka sucks in a sharp breath when she hears that from her. “ _ Really _ don’t say that, Rei.”

“I am replaceable, I have always been replaceable.”

“I don’t believe that. I’ve told you how I feel about that.”

“Well, it is true.”

Asuka finds that she’s starting to cry now. “How can you just say that?”

Rei pauses before responding. “Oh…” she says, like she’s just had an insight.

“Oh?”

“I should go.”

“No, stay.”

“No—”

“—Rei Ayanami, you are my only true, best friend on this whole doomed planet, and if you are feeling so desperate that you choose to call me across 8 time zones, I want you to talk to me. I will stay on this phone all night if you want me to. I know there is only so much I can do to help you. But what I can do, I will. You told me on the postcard to ‘just be.’ Here I am, just being here for you.” Now Asuka really is crying. 

There’s silence on the other end for a moment. 

“Asuka, I don’t want to be here anymore.” It comes out almost as a whisper.

“Then just leave! If you want to get as far away from Tokyo-3 as you can, I’m sure my mother can work out some sort of visa, you could stay in my room. It’s a big room!”

Rei sighs. “Asuka, it is not that simple. I know that you know it is not that simple.”

“Rei, there are not a lot of people in my life who I don’t want to lose, and you’re one of them.”

There is a pause in the conversation. “The parks we walked in when you were here, they’re all gone now,” Rei says in a calmer voice.

“All of them?”

“Yes...ever since that day.”

“I’m so sorry, Rei. For all of it. I know it’s not much, but would it help if we walked in this park here by my home? Over the phone?”

“You once said, ‘sometimes people need to make their own good.’” Rei pauses. “Yes, I think it might help. Can you please tell me what the park looks like?” Asuka goes to the front window.

“Well, first of all it’s dark. That’s what you get for walking in the park at 21:30,” she jokes.

“Oh yes, that was a most foolish decision.” Asuka almost thinks she can hear Rei smiling a little at that. 

“But it’s not as bad as you think, because there are lights in the park. They’re all ugly sodium lamps, but beggars can’t be choosers.”

“I am not complaining.”

“Good. The park is a square, with a lot of grass and a few scattered trees. There is a brick walkway that goes through the middle. It’s snowing in the park.”

“Really?”

“Yes, big fluffy white snowflakes, slowly falling through the air.”

“I have never seen snow before, in person.”

“Well here you go, your first snow. Make sure to catch a snowflake on your tongue.” Asuka still has tears on her face, but she smiles for a moment.

“It is cold.”

“That’s how snow is.”

“Can you tell me where we are?”

“We’re standing on the walkway, right in the middle. We’re out there, next to a tree, just us two in the whole park.”

“Do we have our arms around each other’s shoulders?”

“Of course we do.”

“Is it quiet?”

“Yes, it’s quiet. ‘ _ Stille Nacht, heilige Nacht, alles schläft einsam wacht. _ ’” She hears Rei giggle a little as she mock-sings the Christmas carol. The two are silent for a peaceful moment.

Asuka is the one to break the silence. “Rei, I promise you I’ll see you again.”

There’s a pause on the other end, then Rei says, “I promise I will see you again too. I promise.”

Asuka smiles. She walks away from the window. “Rei, do you want to sing a song together, a duet, switching-up lines?”

“Yes, I would like that. Which song?”

“Do you remember the lyrics to that old song we listened to on the train, ‘Fly Me To The Moon’?” Asuka hopes she does. She shouldn’t, she only heard it that one time, but Rei often does impossible things.

“Yes, I do. I translated the lyrics for myself, afterwards, and understand them now.”

“Okay, good, I’ll start us off. 

“‘ _ Fly me to the moon, and let me play among the stars. _ ’” They trade-off lines, the other humming while one sings, and they can’t help but sing in unison on the last two lines.

“‘ _ In other words, please be true. In other words, I love youuuu! _ ’” They are both quiet after the drawn-out last syllable. Asuka can feel herself smiling.

“Merry Christmas, Asuka. Goodnight.

“Merry Christmas, Rei. I’ll see you again.” They hang-up.

Asuka looks at herself in the hall mirror. She’s blushing.

She turns, and sees her mother watching her. She’s smiling, which Asuka hasn’t seen in too long.

“What is it, mother?”

Kyoko Sohryu’s smile deepens. “Just thinking about what a wonderful young woman you’re growing up to be.”

Asuka is surprised to find that she’s a little embarrassed by this open praise from her mother, it feels like the last time her mother ruffled her hair. She’s about to say something to try to defuse the feeling, but before she can Asuka realizes something about who her mother is at heart, and knows what she has to tell her.

“Mother, about what’s happened, I still think you made mistakes, but I don’t think you meant to. You must have been in a tough situation, and just did what you thought would be best. I don’t think you’re a bad person, or a bad mother.”

Asuka’s mother closes her eyes, takes a slow, deep breath in and out, and opens her eyes. “Thank you for telling me that.”

“You’re welcome.” Another thought occurs to Asuka. “No one ever really understands exactly what someone else is going through, do they?” she asks.

“No, they don’t. I love you, Asuka.”

“I love you too, mother. I’m going to bed. Goodnight.”

“Goodnight.”

Asuka walks to her room. When she gets to the doorway, her mother calls to her.

“Asuka?”

“Yes?”

“Merry Christmas, Asuka.”

**Author's Note:**

> This fic began as a small part of a longer, mostly-unrelated Evangelion fanfiction that I am writing, currently titled "A Place In The Heart." When I had the idea for what is now this fanfic's ending, I had the impulse to write it down from the start. By the time I finished the first-draft, it had grown into over 7,000 words in 24 hours, and while an abridged form of this is still likely to end up in that fanfic, I think it stands on its own.
> 
> I understand people who like this fanfic may be annoyed that it ends on the doorstep of the arrival of the final Angel and Third Impact, but I want to explain that it is open-ended in part because of the unusual origin to the story, and in part because that's just not the sort of story I'm trying to tell here. I may or may not write one or two potential continuations to this, but I encourage readers to imagine their own true ending if they wish to.
> 
> I want to thank my beta-reader, Erica, and also thank you for reading.


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